My Cancer Story: Introduction

Good day everyone!

Well I am going to jump in and start writing about my journey with cancer. The blog writing will be more serious because I want to do the not so serious parts in my video blog. I mean, cancer is such a serious topic and it affects so many people these days, whether it be through someone they know or they themselves have been diagnosed with some form of cancer.

 However, while I was going through all this seriousness I needed to laugh! Who doesn't? The best part was feeling somewhat normal and the only way to feel that way was to be able to laugh and smile and just be as me as possible. SO, not only did I try to surround myself with people who would entertain me  (friends, family, nurses,) but I made sure that I was trying to stay as positive as I could during the difficult times. Of course that wan't always possible and I will admit that there were several/many occasions where I had to have a self pity party and ask the question so many people ask; why on EARTH did this happen to me? What did I do to have to go through something like this? Yet, I wouldn't want to change anything if I could go back in time. It is a part of my history and added to what makes me, well, ME.

Now for some info on the less seriousness of the video blog series I am currently working on. In the vlog I will be adding humor into this serious topic by sharing all the various things that I did to keep myself in good spirits and entertained. Also, I hope to bring in some of those lovely people that contributed to the "Keep Tiffany Sane" campaign. Hopefully I can get permission by these very special and completely awesome people! (fingers crossed)  Not only where these people there to help keep me sane but they also helped me get through everything. Each of them had a different role that they played and I could not have done it without their support and love.

Another reason I wish and hope to bring in guests is because, lets face it, chemo treatments wear a person out and make you feel like shit on a road; like you were chewed up, pooped out and ran over by a few mac trucks. So, since I spent a lot of time sleeping and pretty doped up on morphine there are stories that I do not really recall all that well or at all. Thus, I shall need their help so I can share the full story with everyone. Also, I want to know the full story. It is hard to move past things that just keep popping up in my mind every now and then because I start to remember parts of things that I previously did not recall and it bugs me every time and it forces me to start all over in hopes of making sense out of everything. I am hoping that knowing my story, all of my story, and working through it bit by bit will help me let go of some of those things that eat away inside of me.

I know it has helped sharing parts of my story, really condensed versions, with my friends and family who have asked me what it was like and explain some of the things that happened and whatnot and I am completely comfortable sharing my story with those who ask about it. But, I have never shared the whole story before. I have been too scared to do so, which kind of seems silly because I am mainly scared that no one is going to care. If no one cared then no one would ask about it in the first place. Plus, everyone is always interested in another's life, it is why we read celebrity gossip magazines. Also, people want to know about other (non-celeb) people's lives and they are interested in memoirs and biographies, even when it comes to the topic of cancer. It is why we have so many movies that have a storyline entwined within it, or are all about someone dealing with cancer. It is why it shows up in so many television series and books, whether it be non-fiction or fiction styled. Human nature makes people interested in other's lives.

So, starting in my next entry I will begin at the beginning and work my way through the journey of surviving cancer. Hopefully by next week I will have my first vlog finished and available so that maybe I can give you a few laughs after reading such a heavy blog post. :)

Lotza love!

New video blog idea!

I have decided it is time to finally start my YouTube video blog about my experience with cancer. So many people have asked me about that time in my life and I don't mind talking about it, ever. It was a difficult time but (I know this is cliché) it added to the creation of who I am today. I never let my cancer stop me from living for the most part. Of course, there were days when I wasn't the positive upbeat Tiff cracking jokes and smiling but who can be awesome all the time because, lets face it, I'm not Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother).

Why a video blog and not just a writing blog?
Since cancer is a personal subject I feel that a person can't really get to know someone as well through words. Now if I were a great writer that may be untrue, but a las, I am not a great writer, just someone who likes to write sometimes. It is hard for others to know when I am being sarcastic or funny rather than insensitive or however someone reads into words strung together. That is why I want to do a video blog. I kept wanting to make the best out of my situation so I would try and keep myself entertained and I did a whole bunch of silly things and just reading about it might not being as funny as me recalling the story. Of course, there were also some serious times and I will get into those times as well in my video blog.

Coming soon! Cancer Surviver chats with Tiffany!

Maybe if there is a big enough view space I can bring in other survivors and see what they have to say... we shall see.

Mean People/Bullies

Here is something I do not understand. Why people have to be so mean. I was just on facebook and I was looking at something someone posted and it was a math question with 4 possible answers and you are suppose to guess the right one. Everyone was guessing different possibilities depending upon how they did the math problem. This link has thousands of comments on it and every once and a while some jackass has to say something mean. One of the comments was; "Go back to elementary school you idiots the answer is 50". Another comment was "get a real life".

Are these comments really necessary? Why do people feel the need to say stupid stuff like that to people whom they most likely do not even know?

How can someone go on a link and type for all the others to get a life when they are on the same thing...?

I wish people would just let others do what they would like without someone saying something rude. The world would be such a better place even. Bullies.

I am glad that schools have started doing something about preventing bulling and/or are doing something about those who are bulling others. I remember high school and it was not the best time. Kids always have to make others feel like they are nothing and I just never understood why. I always hated that saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Why on earth  are we taught that phrase. The words that your peers say are more painful than broken bones, especially since they tend to stay with a person a whole lot longer than a broken bone.

My friends and I were always being made of fun of for some reason or another and I could never understand why. Why do teenagers, or people of any age, feel the need to make people feel bad about themselves? How does that make someone feel better about themselves?

Teenagers judge their peers way too often, and most of the time it is on the most ridiculous things. The common thing I was always teased about were my clothes. They were never "cool" enough because my family didn't spend $80 on a pair of jeans. At first it didn't bother me because I at least had clothes and I had something better than cool clothes. My family owned and still owns quite a lot of horses. They were more important to me than expensive clothes. Unlike most kids in my class I had the pleasure of having my own horse, which meant more than being part of a group that seemed to judge everyone on everything that they did or said. After a while of hearing all the crap that people were saying it started to get to me. I became worried about everything I said or did and what I wore.

However, I realized that no matter what I would never be part of the "cool" kids. Mostly because I didn't want to be because they stood for everything I was against. I never liked judging people and I have never thought that I have the right to judge others either. The other reason is because they would never stop judging me based on everything I did or said, even the past things. Kids always seem to bring up things that happened in the past to make other's lives miserable in some way or another.

The few friends I had in high school were awesome and I knew that if I just waited until I was done with high school and moved on to college that I wouldn't have to deal with quite as much ridicule. Thankfully that is very much true. However, there are college students who seem to think they are still in high school and tend to judge those around them still. Luckily, most students grow up and realize that it is stupid to make fun of others, yet some folks never grow up and tend to judge others throughout the rest of their lives. Sad.

I am glad that I am perfectly happy without needing to judge other peoples' actions. I just wish everyone felt the same way.

Today is a very special day. 7 years ago today I had a stem cell transplant to rid my body of leukemia cancer cells, which fortunately for me, worked. It wasn't the easiest thing and complications from the procedure forced changes in my life forever. What were those changes you may ask? Well, I guess you will just have to stay tuned. That is how you keep people coming back right? Intrigue... Although it may not be enough for a majority of people.

I have always wanted to write a book about my experience with cancer. Not because I want people to know everything but because I think it could help some out, especially those who are going through similar situations. When I was sick I never knew what to expect or what was to come and that scared me more than having cancer. The uncertainty. The thing that helped me out the most was getting to know others who were going through the same/similar thing. There were some that had already gone through some of the procedures and had received the drugs so they knew some of the side effects and could tell me what they experienced and what could happen. This helped more than what the doctors told me since they made everything seem like it could happen but doesn’t happen to everyone.

A lot of things happened during my treatment and some of it I can’t remember but I often have flashbacks of those times showing me what I once had forgotten.

The thing is, I don’t know how I would start out my book. Maybe I should just start writing one day and go from there…  It would at least give me something and I can always arrange things as I see fit later.

I think what most deters me from writing is knowing that I could never write a perfect paper. I always had spelling and grammar mistakes. I would hate to write a whole bunch of stuff just to know how crappy my grammar is.

Maybe I am just too scared. Scared of writing it and finding out that no one actually cares to read it. I wonder if all writers have that initial fear? How do you work through it? Just do it and put it out there and see the results and reviews?

I think wanting to help people get through the difficult time of going through treatments for cancer is what led me to want to become a social worker. However, I really do not want to live in a big city. I just wish I would have transferred to a school where I could get my bachelors of social work instead of needing to go to grad school. I am scared to spend even more money on school loans. However, I feel that if I keep waiting to find a job with my current degree I will never have a career.

I keep letting fear stop me from doing what I want. That is silly. I just need to put my fear aside and go for it.