Sometimes You Just Need Someone to Listen

You are going to be fine.

You will make it through this tough time.

I know how you feel.

This will make you stronger.

It is different when you send a message, but when I come to you to talk I just want you to listen.

Let me just tell you how I feel, what I am scared of.

Your words of encouragement and strength are needed,

But I also just need you to listen.

Just let me feel sorry for myself for a short time.

I just want you to listen.

I do not want you to make me feel better through words,

But to listen to the words of fear and uncertainty.

Please do not tell me that this, too, shall pass.

It could be worse, or that everything will be OK.

I know you just want to help,

To make me feel better, and encourage or send strength.

I appreciate that as well.

But sometimes just listening is all I need.

A listening ear is stronger than words.

Sometimes, I just want you to listen,

Even if I am silent.

Just a touch of the hand,
Will let me know you understand.     

A Simple Touch. My hands have come a long way since I first started drawing. Some work out better than others.

I thought it was great when people sent words of encouragement and strength and it was really needed. Yet, there were those days when I started talking about what scared me and how I felt about the situation and I just wanted someone to listen to me and not tell me something positive to help me feel better. I just needed to hate the world or feel sorry for myself for those moments and have someone just listen. An ear to just listen was the one thing that was the hardest to find when it was needed.

I know that many people say things in response to what they are hearing to help make the other feel better about what they are going through, and a majority of people say something positive because they are unsure of what else to say.

There is nothing wrong with that. Even I admit to responding in a cliché way when I am faced with shocking and/or sad news. It is never easy responding to things that are uncomfortable.

Maybe asking the other person what they are looking for when they need to talk can help. Would they like advice? Words of encouragement? Do they just want to talk to express their emotions without needing anything in return except for your focus on what they are saying?

People say a lot without actually speaking. Their body positions, movements, and gestures, as well as facial reactions often say more than words do and it is important to pay attention to those things in addition to their words. All of these go into the action of listening.

Is it inappropriate to ask the other what type of listening they would like from you?

Some people are just really good at reading the situation and judging from the way the conversation starts and continues. The reactions from one another can help guide the other's responses if they know what to look for. A friend of mine is really good at listening and just letting you get everything off your chest before saying anything. Those were some of the best conversations I had and still have today because she does not try to make me understand that things will get better in time or that whatever is bugging me is just  another bump in the road. 

Some of the best days I had while going through treatment was when a good friend of mine came and sat in my room with me watching the television and just hanging out with me. For the most part I ended up sleeping and insisted in watching the same episode of ER over and over again. My friend did not care, especially since she would switch the episode once I fell asleep again, and did not feel the need to keep me company by talking but just provide support for being there with me for hours on end. She did not expect me to keep her entertained or hold up a conversation. Her comforting and listening to me was simple, she was just there. it was perfect and just what I needed.  Not only was she willing to listen to what I had to say, but she listened to what I needed and knew that the one thing I needed was to not feel so alone and isolated from everything and everyone. Even though I would sleep most of the time she was there visiting, she would stay rather than leave and let me rest. Just knowing that there was someone by me to keep me company helped my spirits and mood so much and made the healing and recovering process a little easier. 

Friendships Bud & Blossom Through Time

Thus, not only is it important to listen to what someone is saying, but by listening to what they are not saying through their actions and what one knows about the other can have more impact. By knowing that I loved spending time with people rather than being alone all of the time, which is what happens a lot when one goes through treatments for cancer, she listened to how I was feeling and knew that I just needed that comfort of knowing that I was not alone.

To wrap this all up, messages of encouragement and strength, along with anything else one might say to provide support are important and very much needed to help get through tough situations. However, sometimes a person just needs another person to listen to them without getting a response in return for all of their thoughts and frustrations.  

For those of you who like to watch movies and are interested in watching a film with cancer as the subject and how it affects the person's life, I suggest checking out the movie 50/50 ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1306980/). The film is inspired by a true story about a young adult who is diagnosed with back cancer and how he deals with the diagnosis and his fight against cancer. Of course the way he manages the disease and the side effects that occur are different than what could be for others with cancer, the film does a good job portraying some of the situations individuals come across during their treatment and diagnosis stage, as well as what it is like having everyone know you have cancer and the responses that people say when they find out. It may not be completely relatable, but there are several scenes that were really familiar. My favorite is the car freak out/yelling session, because I can definitely relate to his emotions and situation at that time and have done that more than a couple times.