Today is a very special day. 7 years ago today I had a stem cell transplant to rid my body of leukemia cancer cells, which fortunately for me, worked. It wasn't the easiest thing and complications from the procedure forced changes in my life forever. What were those changes you may ask? Well, I guess you will just have to stay tuned. That is how you keep people coming back right? Intrigue... Although it may not be enough for a majority of people.

I have always wanted to write a book about my experience with cancer. Not because I want people to know everything but because I think it could help some out, especially those who are going through similar situations. When I was sick I never knew what to expect or what was to come and that scared me more than having cancer. The uncertainty. The thing that helped me out the most was getting to know others who were going through the same/similar thing. There were some that had already gone through some of the procedures and had received the drugs so they knew some of the side effects and could tell me what they experienced and what could happen. This helped more than what the doctors told me since they made everything seem like it could happen but doesn’t happen to everyone.

A lot of things happened during my treatment and some of it I can’t remember but I often have flashbacks of those times showing me what I once had forgotten.

The thing is, I don’t know how I would start out my book. Maybe I should just start writing one day and go from there…  It would at least give me something and I can always arrange things as I see fit later.

I think what most deters me from writing is knowing that I could never write a perfect paper. I always had spelling and grammar mistakes. I would hate to write a whole bunch of stuff just to know how crappy my grammar is.

Maybe I am just too scared. Scared of writing it and finding out that no one actually cares to read it. I wonder if all writers have that initial fear? How do you work through it? Just do it and put it out there and see the results and reviews?

I think wanting to help people get through the difficult time of going through treatments for cancer is what led me to want to become a social worker. However, I really do not want to live in a big city. I just wish I would have transferred to a school where I could get my bachelors of social work instead of needing to go to grad school. I am scared to spend even more money on school loans. However, I feel that if I keep waiting to find a job with my current degree I will never have a career.

I keep letting fear stop me from doing what I want. That is silly. I just need to put my fear aside and go for it.